Doushite?
by Hikari AkA machi NO tenshi
Summary: *FINISHED* This is takes place after vol.15 of the manga. If you've read this far, then I don't need to tell you what it deals with. This is a Hikaru x Akira Shounen-Ai story. Please RxR
1. When?

Title: Doushite?  
Author: Hikari  
Email: machi_no_tenshi@excite.com  
Rated: PG-13  
Part: Part 1  
  
  
  
  
Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...  
This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:   
Volume 15. Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,  
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira. This story is my own  
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.  
Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'  
  
  
  
  
DOUSHITE?  
Part 1: WHEN?  
  
Touya Akira stared intently at his computer screen and the   
game currently being played. Who ever his opponent was, not only   
took a long time to place his moves but was inexperienced enough   
to not know when to quit. After passing a hand briskly over his   
features, he moved the mouse towards the button and resigned. He   
had no desire to play with fools at this moment.  
  
'Why?' he asked himself as he reclined in his chair. 'Why?'  
  
It was the one word that had been bouncing around in his   
mind ever since his encounter with Shindo in the library. He   
couldn't understand his reasoning for forfeiting all those games.   
Hadn't he gotten this far because he had been chasing after him?   
They still hadn't played. Shindo should not have been satisfied   
with that. He still had to show him how good he was!!  
  
The small picture frame next to his screen fell over from   
the force of his blow on the desk. He balled his hand into a   
tighter fist. "Why?"  
  
Then, like a gentle hand placed on his shoulder, he felt   
the cool breeze sooth his spirit. Touya closed his eyes and let   
his body relax. 'A year… no, a little more than that.' But, had   
it really been that long ago since Shindo and him had first met?  
  
All his life had been planned in a straight path traveled   
with the sole purpose to surpass his father, and all that was   
changed by a chance encounter with a boy. 'Had Ogata-san been   
right when he had said that he held more drive for things when   
ever Shindo was involved?' And, what of the mysteries behind it?   
Sai and Shindo, Shindo and Sai... "Who are you really Shindo?"   
Touya wondered.  
  
Suddenly, his eyes became focused and as he stared at his   
book on Shuusaku's Kifus it all became clear to him. He would get   
to the bottom of it, because this wasn't the rival he knew. 'This   
mystery has an answer,' he thought to himself as he picked up the   
book. 'And he would get that answer out of Shindo if it was the   
last thing he did.'  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Green eyes wandered aimlessly over the ceiling's texture.   
It seemed like no matter how much time passed, Sai would not be   
coming back. Hikaru turned on his side and looked out his window   
from his huddled position on the bed. Calm blue sky...  
  
Softly, the wind blew on the curtains and the warm air that  
circulated about began to lull him into sleep. It would be ok to   
forget –to pretend as if it had never happened. It would be ok to   
quit something he should never have begun. His brow furrowed as he   
shut his eyes tighter thinking, 'Aren't you ever coming back?'  
  
'Hikaru...'  
  
'Sai?' he wondered in his dreamy state. The sound had been   
so faint he had barely caught it.  
  
'Hikaru...'  
  
He opened his eyes. He could almost swear to have heard it   
this time. 'Sai?!' The boy sat up and looked desperately around   
his room. 'SAI?!'  
  
"Hikaru..."  
  
His eyes fell on the closed bedroom door. 'It wasn't him,'   
he realized now recognizing his mother's voice. All hope had fled   
from him with the droop of his shoulders. Yet it was soon replaced   
with self-hate as his clumsy hand came up to dry the new coursing   
tears. 'Baka!' he yelled.  
  
"Shindo Hikaru!!"  
  
'So incessant! Couldn't she just leave him alone?' Within   
seconds he was at his door, yanking it open and yelling in response,   
"WHAT?!"  
  
Down from the foyer, he could hear his mother's worried   
voice say, "You have a visitor."  
  
"I- " he hesitated. "I don't want to see anybody." He   
replied as he closed the door to his sanctuary and returned to his   
bed. Rolling over towards the window, Hikaru tried to return to   
that numb state he had nearly been in, but as he lay back down on   
his bed reality refused to disappear. Like a young child, he   
grabbed his pillow and pulled it to his chest hugging it fiercely,   
only then did he proceed to cry.  
  
A couple of minutes later he heard a knock at his door,   
and, when he didn't answer the first time, the call was repeated.   
'Why couldn't he just cry in peace?' he asked himself as he yelled,   
"GO AWAY."  
  
"So, you're just planning to hide out here in your room?"  
  
Hikaru's tears seized immediately as his eyes widened in   
dawning recognition. 'It was him... it just had to be...' And he   
hadn't even heard his door open!  
  
"Well?"  
  
He turned around, half hoping that he really wasn't there   
and he that had misheard his voice like what had happened before.   
However, as his eyes connected with piercing blue ones, he knew that   
Touya Akira was truly in his room. 'Don't look at me like that!'   
he wanted to call out, because he didn't feel like he deserved it.   
His features became wary as he stared at Touya. "What are you doing  
here?"  
  
Touya wondered about that too. 'What had brought him here?'  
He wished he knew. Lowering his head, strands of forest green hair   
fell forward hiding his features. Sharp eyes examined the room only   
to keep returning to the goban situated next to the entertainment   
center. "Why did you quit?" he asked as his eyes caught the dust on  
it with sadness.  
  
Hikaru gave him his profile. "I told you," he began   
repeating his past saying again. "I'm no good." 'It was Sai,'   
his thoughts continued. 'Sai who you chased... Sai who was good...   
Not me. Not me...'  
  
"That's not true," Touya said, "I think you're good!" his   
eyes determined on his task. He would find out what had happened!  
  
"You don't know that..." he insisted. "You haven't played   
me yet."  
  
"I'VE PLAYED YOU BEFORE!" he countered angry.  
  
"That doesn't count!" Hikaru quickly threw back as he   
squeezed his pillow harder. 'That was Sai…'  
  
However, his words were just drowned out as Touya went on   
saying, "and you wouldn't have gotten this far if you didn't have   
the skills!"  
  
"That doesn't count!!" he repeated –his voice desperate.  
  
"THEN PLAY ME!!" He yelled as he squeezed his fists.  
  
"NO!" Hikaru yelled as tears ran down his cheeks. "Leave me  
alone!"  
  
His hands became lax as his blue eyes watched Shindo cry.   
He felt his heart clench and simply breathing became harder to do.   
What ever had happened to him must have been really serious.   
"Shin...do-kun..." he walked closer to the boy's bed. "What's   
wrong?" he asked concerned.  
  
Hikaru just cried silently, hugging his pillow tighter every  
now and then.  
  
Hesitantly, Touya placed his hand on top of Hikaru's head.   
His fingers dipped within the boy's soft hair as he raked it in a   
soothing manner. Crouching down to the boy's height, he proceeded   
to push the yellow bangs away from his eyes. Shindo's features were   
dipped in misery and Akira could feel his heart breaking slowly at   
seeing him like this. But why did it pain him so? Was it because   
they were rivals?  
  
His rough hand gently wiped away the boy's tears from his   
warm round cheeks. Touya's eyes looked on in pain and before he   
knew it, he too could feel tears run down his face. He rested his   
forehead against Hikaru's and sighed. 'Why did he cry too?'  
  
As if caught in a play, his moves came just naturally as he   
kissed Hikaru's cheek, then lower, and lower... until tentatively   
he brushed his lips against the boy's. It was a soft brief meeting   
and a chaste on at that, but when his mouth dipped again Akira   
almost wanted to demand his rival to rise up to the challenge.  
  
Hikaru felt the pressure at his lips. The warmth pressed   
against him felt so comforting. He could feel Touya's hand move   
towards the back of his head, supporting its weight as he learned   
into it. But the moment was not meant to be, because when he   
relaxed and parted his lips slightly, the sensation of Touya   
slipping within became too much. Hikaru jerked backwards in   
surprise as both of their eyes flew open.  
  
"I... I..." Touya stammered as his thoughts became   
disjointed. 'Did he just?' What had happened? Why? And how?  
  
Shindo just stared at him, unsure as how to respond. His   
eyes were wet with tears but at that moment, he could not recall   
the reason for his sadness. Did it really- ? Had Touya really   
kissed him just seconds ago?  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
Author's Notes:  
  
It's been a while minna, has it not? Close to about 2 years since  
I had thought I had given up writing fanfiction. Yet, the need to  
write things I can share with the world and hear your opinions on  
them is also a great motivation. I must say, I'm still amazed to  
get reviews for fanfictions I had finished a lot time ago. So,  
maybe I can give this another go, ne? (No pun intended!)  
Please don't forget to review, I'd like to know if people are   
actually reading this so to post the next chapter. Arigatou.  
  
att: Hikari 


	2. Where?

Title: Doushite?  
Author: Hikari  
Email: machi_no_tenshi@excite.com  
Rated: PG-13  
Part: Part 2  
  
  
  
  
Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...  
This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:   
Volume 15. Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,  
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira. This story is my own  
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.  
Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'  
  
  
  
  
DOUSHITE?  
Part 2: WHERE?  
  
  
"What's wrong, Akira-san? Aren't you hungry?"  
  
Touya blinked and stared up at his mother. He picked up his  
chopsticks again and grabbed his bowl of rice. "I'm fine." He said   
softly as he began to eat once more. He had to stop thinking about   
it. He had to stop thinking about it!  
  
She looked at her son with worry, but remained silent at his  
answer. If Akira chose to say something, he knew that she would   
listen. Her eyes threw a side glance at her husband who remained   
stoic. She wished she knew what had happened to cause such tension   
in the room.  
  
"Gochisou-samadeshita," Akira said as he bowed his head and   
began to stand up.  
  
His mother stared at his half eaten food and raised her   
hand timidly. "But..." she looked away as she bowed her head.   
"Never mind."  
  
Touya left the dining room and went up the stairs towards   
his room. Closing the door, he leaned on it as he stared up at the   
ceiling. 'Had he really...?'  
  
The events of earlier that day seemed so fuzzy in his mind   
right now except for one: his kiss with Hikaru. He couldn't   
understand what had driven him to do that. In his head their   
relationship had always been rivalry because as much as he hated   
to admit it now Hikaru had always been considered his rival, even   
when he had negated the fact. In the beginning he had chased after   
Shindo, and then Shindo had chased after him... Now it seemed like   
it was back to him doing the chasing. But when were they going to   
catch each other?  
  
He propelled himself from the door as he covered his mouth   
with shame –the blush staining his cheeks very apparent. 'Baka!' he  
called himself at the stupidity of his own thoughts. He was just   
obsessed with Shindo right now because of go. After all... weren't   
just supposed to be rivals?  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Hikaru sat on the floor leaning against the side of his bed   
as he stared intently at the goban. 'Sai…' he wondered as he rested  
his weary head on his arms. 'Why did you leave?' He had searched   
everywhere: Torajiro's grave, the Go Center, Grandpa's attic, yet   
it seemed like he was no where to be found. "I promise I won't play  
anymore, just come back." He whispered.  
  
"ARGH!" he groaned as he wiped angrily at his eyes. He was  
beginning to behave like Akari would. Crying all day long, it   
seemed like that was the only thing he did recently. And to have   
Touya see him like that... "TOUYA!" He blushed in remembrance.   
'What the hell?!' he thought to himself. Why was he blushing?  
  
He brought his knees closer to his chest and wrapped his   
arms around them. With his chin resting on top, he mulled over the   
encounter. It had felt so nice to have someone there trying to   
make him feel better. But he had to admit that what had made it   
even better was the fact that it had been Touya. After all that   
chasing, he had finally made him turn around and look his way –even   
if hadn't deserved it.  
  
With a shaky hand, Hikaru traced his lips. He could still   
remember the feel of it. Everything Touya had done to him. He   
didn't deserve such compassion. It was his fault that Sai had gone   
away. But the fact remained: that had been his first kiss...   
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Coming back from the bookstore, Hikaru called out "Tadaimasu~"   
only to have no one answer. He looked in the kitchen, the living   
room and his parent's room but his mother was not home. Heading back  
into the kitchen, he placed his bag down as he opened the fridge and  
proceeded to pour himself a glass of orange juice. As he closed the  
door, he noticed the note left there by his mother. "Went to the   
convenience store... be back soon... dinner later..." he read.  
  
'Whatever,' he thought as he grabbed his bag and went up to   
his room. He took out the new volume of Magazine Z that he had   
bought and plopped down on his bed. Manga... as good an escape of   
reality as anything.  
  
Half way through it, he felt sleep try and take its toll,   
so placing the magazine down, he rolled over and took a nap. An   
hour later, awakened by a cold chill, Hikaru sat up in bed. Rubbing  
his sleepy eyes, he looked past his open bedroom door and heard   
voices coming from downstairs. He sniffed the air. 'Mom's home.'  
  
Going down stairs and into the kitchen, his eyes could not   
believe what he saw. With a dry throat, he croaked out, "Tou...ya..."  
  
The green haired boy upon hearing his name stopped smiling   
and turned his attention at the new comer. His blue eyes took in   
Shindo's rumpled hair and childish face. It was a test of strength   
to prevent the blush that wanted to surface from appearing.   
"Hikaru..." he whispered and turned red then at being so bold.   
'It was his mother's influence,' he told himself. He had heard her   
call him that so much... it was only natural his tongue would slip   
up, right?  
  
It seemed that he had finally gotten his emotions back into   
control. Green eyes showed signs of anger as they stared down at   
the guy who sat so naturally at his dinner table. "What are you   
doing here Touya?"  
  
"Hikaru!" his mother snapped. "Don't be rude to him. He   
helped me carry the groceries inside."  
  
"I came to talk to you."  
  
Hikaru turned around and left the kitchen, not even deigning  
that statement with a response. 'Stupid Touya... First he runs   
out of my house, and now he comes back to talk!!'  
  
"Shindo!" he heard from behind as he stopped half way up   
the stairs. "I need to talk to you."  
  
"Funny," he said as he looked at Touya. "It seems that you   
think that just because you want it, it's going to happen." 'Things  
don't work like that,' he continued in his thoughts. 'Otherwise Sai  
would already be here.' He had reached his room, fully aware that   
he had been followed the whole time. Heading to his desk he sat   
down and pretended to start doing homework -his senses completely   
aware of the fact that Touya had closed his door.  
  
"I'm not leaving until we play a game." He said, voice   
determined.  
  
Hikaru sighed. "What makes you think I'm going to play?"  
  
"I'll make you a deal," he said as he neared the desk. "If   
you just play me once, I swear I won't ever bother you again."  
  
He turned around and looked at Akira. His eyes were serious  
and he could tell that he meant everything he had said. It was   
tempting. So tempting, but Sai... "No."  
  
"WHY?!" he yelled.  
  
"I'm no good."  
  
Touya groaned out and Hikaru felt himself being swung around.   
Staring face to face, he could see the anger in Akira's eyes. They   
were as bottomless and as torrent as the sea... "Don't...lie...to...  
me!" he ground out.  
  
"Fine!" he said as he moved his head to the side. Their   
faces had come to close for comfort and he was beginning to feel   
uncomfortable again. Bending down and pulling the goban from its   
neglected position, he placed it in the middle of the room. He   
cleared it and passed his arm over it to clean off the dust. Touya   
sat on one end, his eyes like they always got went in battle.  
  
They nigiri and Hikaru won black. "Douzo," they said in   
unison. The first move was his. 'Gomen... Sai,' he thought as he   
placed the first stone: kosumi. Touya moved next, and Hikaru   
responded. Stone after stone, the game began to fall into shape.  
  
Every now and then, Akira could feel Shindo's eyes on him.   
He knew not why, but the more they played, the more he saw a light.   
It was as if the answer to an unsolved riddle was close to becoming   
known. What has started as a strangely tame game, was beginning to   
turn into an interesting battle.  
  
Touya could see it. It was there every time his eyes caught  
Shindo the moment he placed a stone. Determination and the will to   
win the game... No matter how hard he tried to hide it, he was good.  
  
He couldn't help but smile. He was finally playing the game   
he had so long been dreaming of: Touya Akira vs. Shindo Hikaru. He   
had missed this feeling. The way the cold stones felt between his   
fingers. Their smooth texture and the commanding sound they   
produced when placed down. The desire for a better game... like   
trying to reach the perfect hand, the Hand of God...  
  
Hikaru's eyes lost their focus, as he felt his silent tears   
stain the goban. Touya retracted his hand and placed his stone back  
in its container.  
  
'Sai...' Hikaru lowered his head. 'That's what Sai had been   
trying to reach.' All this time, all those years… he still could   
not understand why he had left. But as he stared at the goban, the   
stones aligned so perfectly... it was as if he was beginning to   
understand something that was beyond the now. 'Why had *he* given   
up? Why had *he* lost faith?'  
  
He placed his hand on his knees and began to cry in anger at  
all the time he had wasted and how stupid he had been. Sai would   
have wanted him to master the move if he couldn't. So why had be   
been so blind? "Gomen ne, Sai." He whispered.  
  
Touya's eyes widened momentarily wondering if he had heard   
correctly, but unsure if he should ask. It was obvious that Hikaru   
hadn't been feeling so well. "How about we continue this game   
another day?" he suggested with a smile. Shindo was going to be   
just fine. Something inside him just told him so.  
  
As he gathered up his stones and returned them to their   
place, Shindo smiled sadly and said, "Arigatou."  
  
Akira just held himself in check for his body almost dropped  
to its knees and brought the boy in for a hug. It was in moments   
such as these that he seemed so sweet and beautiful. He gathered   
up his strength and stood ready to walk towards the door.  
  
"Touya..."  
  
He stopped and turned around to look at Shindo. "Yeah?"  
  
Hikaru raised his head and looked into his Akira's. "Why   
did you run away yesterday?" He stood and neared his rival. "Why   
did you kiss me?"  
  
It had been such an innocent question. However, why could   
he not answer it? Touya opened his mouth but no words would come   
out. He could see the expectation in Shindo's eyes, waiting... "It   
–It just felt like the right thing to do at the time."  
  
His heart felt slightly heavy and he couldn't understand why   
those words had not made him feel any better. 'What type of answer   
had he been hoping for?' He glanced to the side as a smile spread   
on his mouth. He looked up at Touya, his eyes serious as his face   
drew near. Then, before the green haired boy had a chance to step   
back, Hikaru pressed his lips to his and kissed him.  
  
Akira closed his eyes. 'This isn't real.' He thought, as he  
felt Shindo timidly slide his tongue across his lower lip before   
gently nibbling on it with his teeth. He felt the soft withdrawal   
and when he opened his eyes again, Hikaru was looking at him with a   
glazed expression he was sure was a mirror of his own.  
  
He fought to bring himself back to the present, and he knew   
that the question was clear in his eyes as he stared into Hikaru's.  
But the boy just smiled as he took a step back. 'Was he going to   
make him say it out loud?' He wouldn't. He had his pride.  
  
Touya headed towards the door, his hand wrapping around the   
knob -yet he could not open it. "Why?" he asked. Because he needed  
to know... Because he wanted to be sure...  
  
Shindo smiled from his bed as he watched Touya's back. 'He   
had guessed right. He knew it!' Grabbing a magazine, he flipped   
through it dragging out the moment until Touya could take it no more.   
The instant he turned around and Hikaru could see his face he said,   
"Because it felt like the right thing to do."  
  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
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Author's Notes:  
  
I'll make it short, I promise!! I just wanted to thank all of you  
who replied or emailed me about this story. I'm really glad that  
you liked it. I don't know how soon I'll be able to get the 3rd  
part written since I'm starting semester finals, but if there is  
one thing that you can be sure of is that I always finish what I  
start. So stick around... I will get it done!  
  
att: Hikari 


	3. What?

Title: Doushite?  
Author: Hikari  
Email: machi_no_tenshi@excite.com  
Rated: PG-13  
Part: Part 3  
  
  
  
  
Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...  
This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:   
Volume 15. Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,  
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira. This story is my own  
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.  
Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'  
  
  
  
  
DOUSHITE?  
Part 3: WHAT?  
  
  
Warmth could be felt all around as Hikaru walked down the   
sidewalk. He clenched his fist and smiled. 'The return to the go   
world...' How he had missed it!  
  
A week had passed since his confrontation with Touya and it   
had been a week since they'd talked. Hikaru had seen him today at   
the go center. They had been in that same room... breathing the same   
air... But Touya had refused to look his way. Well, that would not   
be exactly true. Hikaru had felt his glances –could not pretend that   
the tension had not been there.  
  
"ARGH! Why couldn't he wait for my game to end?!" he said   
aloud.  
  
"What are you talking about Hikaru?"  
  
He blinked and turned around. "Akari?" he enunciated slowly.  
  
"Baka." She smiled as she walked up to him. "Are you talking   
to yourself again?"  
  
Hikaru's cheeks puffed a little as he said childishly, "No."  
  
Akari bit her lip and threw him a side glance. "Where are you   
headed?"  
  
"I was hungry so I wanted to get some ramen."  
  
Her eyes lit up. "Mind if I come with you?"  
  
Green eyes watched the red-haired girl carefully. "Sure," he   
said as he began to walk. "You can do what ever you want."  
  
Happily, Akari fell into step -her orange eyes fleetingly   
looking at him. The truth had been that while she may not have shown   
it much over the past couple of weeks, she had been very worried about  
her friend. A sense of relief washed over her. Somehow, he seemed   
better... happier...  
  
Her smile became forlorn. While she was glad that he had   
gotten out of his rut, she wished she could have done something to   
help him. Maybe she should invite him to the go club at school?   
Mitani was now playing regularly with them, so there was no fear   
that he'd storm out. She lowered her head, looking at her feet   
and the steps she took. Why did Hikaru seem so distant now?  
  
"Hey! Where are you going?"  
  
Akari looked up and back at Shindo. He was standing at the   
entrance of the shop and giving her a strange expression. She smiled   
sheepishly as she hurried over to him. In her dazed state she had   
walked right past it. "Hehe..." she said as she hurried through.  
  
Hikaru let the door close behind him. "You know, you're   
acting pretty strange." They sat down at a table. "Are you feeling   
alright?"  
  
"Of course I am!" she replied indignantly. Taking charge, she   
looked at the waitress and ordered two bowls of ramen. "You're the   
one that's been acting weird lately. Why did you skip classes today?"  
  
He let a broad smile shape his lips. "I had a match today."  
  
Her eyes grew wide. "You're playing again?!"  
  
He accepted the bowl. "Yeah," and broke his chopsticks.   
"Itadakimasu~"  
  
Her chest hurt as she watched Hikaru take the first bite.   
"Itadakimasu." She whispered as an afterthought, before bringing   
the warm noodles up for a taste. In her thoughts, scenes past kept   
replaying. 'Touya-kun had shown up too...' Akari's eyes wandered   
towards the shop's window. 'What had been his reason... What did   
they talk about... and why was she letting it bother her?'  
  
"SHINDO!"  
  
Akari and Hikaru looked over towards the round incoming man.   
Immediately, the young boy stood from his seat and smiled.   
"Kurata-san!"  
  
The pro neared the couple. "Eating ramen with a pretty girl?"   
he grabbed a chair and sat himself at their table. "Mind if I join you?"  
  
Shindo made a sour face. "I'm not paying for you."  
  
Atsushi looked over towards the girl. "Is he always this   
cheap?" He watched as she just shook her head and let a giggle   
escaped her lips. The waiter came and he placed his order, his sharp   
eyes catching the way Shindo sulked. "So... I heard you're back."  
  
The smile was brought back to life. "Yeah," he said, pure   
confidence oozing out from him. "I'll never quit go."  
  
"That's good to hear." He said accepting his dish. "You   
still have to play me in an official game after all."  
  
"Anou..." Akari's timid voice broke the comfortable mood.   
"I'm sorry but, who are you?"  
  
"WHAT?!" The large man's small eyes grew wide as he stared   
in disbelief at the girl. "You don't know who I am?"  
  
Inwardly, Hikaru could do nothing but smile as he recalled   
the moment when he too had not known who this man was. However, when   
he watched Akari shake her head, the mirth just bubbled up inside of  
him, and soon his rich laughter could be heard everywhere within the   
restaurant.  
  
"It's not a laughing matter!" the man retorted. "Hey   
waitress," he called as he raised his hand for attention. "Do   
you happen to have a fan?"  
  
"Don't bother!" Hikaru waived the request indifferently.   
"She won't want it."  
  
"Akari placed her hands on the table. "Want what? And who   
says I won't?!" She turned to stare at the new comer. "My name is   
Fujisaki Akari." She even gave a little bow. "Nice to meet you."  
  
"Kurata Atsushi-san. Soon to be Honinbo,"  
  
"YEAH RIGHT!"  
  
Both turned to look at Hikaru... both sticking their tongues   
out at him. He let a heavy sigh escape his lungs and rolled his eyes.  
This had just become the longest lunch break he had ever taken.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
"You know right?" Kurata said as they exited the establishment.  
  
Hikaru stopped and looked back. "Know what?"  
  
"About your game with Touya."  
  
Her chest throbbed again, and Akari could not help the   
involuntary raise of her hand to her heart. Her eyes were alert   
as they tried to decipher all the expressions that flew by his face.   
They caught the way he held his breath, the way his eyes wandered   
slightly to no where in particular, but they were mostly intent on   
the way the gently said, "Yeah... I know."  
  
"You know, you two make a pretty cute couple." Kurata laughed   
as he began to walk away. "Sorry if I messed up your date."  
  
Panic and a noticeable blush strung out every nerve ending   
in Hikaru's face as he instantaneously yelled back, "That- That's   
not true!!"  
  
While the embarrassment of the lie had caused her face to be   
tainted with a flush, the blunt negation by Hikaru had stung her   
emotionally and caused all color to drain quickly. Not knowing how   
to stop herself, her hand flew out and struck her classmate across   
the cheek leaving a nasty imprint. "BAKA!" she screamed -the glimmer   
of tears brimming from her eyes as she turned away and ran off.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
He placed another stone on the goban –sharp blue eyes studying   
each move with detached calmness. Now that his match was over, he   
could concentrate on the problem that had been nagging him ever since   
he had let Shindo slip from his fingers. The reconstruction of the   
game between them had given him food for thought. It had been the   
start of a wonderful battle and the fact that it was unfinished had   
kept him up most of the nights.  
  
"Kuso," he swore as he realized how affected he had been by   
his rival's emotional state. Had it been anyone else he would have   
shown no mercy and played the game to its end. He placed another   
stone on the board and suddenly, his eyes began to widen.  
  
'Sai...' It was there, on the board: The Hikaru he had played   
in the past, and the Sai who had beaten his father. No trace was left   
of the boy who had disappointed him in the school tournament... it was   
almost as if he had never existed. 'But, it couldn't be...'  
  
"Akira-san?"  
  
He looked up to see his mother peeking into the room from the   
door. "Hai?"  
  
Her eyes traveled the board. 'Like father like son,' she   
thought, smiling to herself. "Kurata-san is here to see you."  
  
"Kurata-pro?" He turned to glimpse at his clock. "Oh! I   
forgot about the time." He stood from his seat and followed his   
mother to the living room.  
  
The man stood up. "Touya…"  
  
The young boy bowed respectfully. "Kurata-san."  
  
"Congratulations on your win today," he said as he took his   
seat again. "Touya-sensei sure must be proud. After all, you're   
already in the Honinbo League..."  
  
Akira kept quiet for a moment before he sat down. "Thank you,"  
he replied politely.  
  
"I swear, the new wave sure is impressive," Kurata continued.   
"You're already so far ahead and with the way Shindo returned, it seems   
as if he hadn't even dropped a level..."  
  
'Shindo...' Touya thought, remembering that morning's match.   
'His face had been so set on his game, on his opponent…' he could even   
recall the sharpness with which the boy's graceful hand had placed his   
stones.  
  
"...I saw him today."  
  
Akira looked up. "Huh?"  
  
"Yeah," Kurata said as he smiled. "I ran into him and his   
girlfriend at the ramen shop."  
  
His blood stopped flowing, and he could feel as his heartbeat   
came to a near halt. "Girlfriend?" he managed to croak out from his   
suddenly fry throat.  
  
"Yes." The man took a sip of the tea Touya's mother had   
brought for them. "You know, I think there's hope for him yet.   
She's actually quite pretty. She has straight red hair and pretty   
orange eyes."  
  
"A- Akari?"  
  
"Yeah," he said impressed. "Do you know her?"  
  
If he had the power to turn invisible, to have the earth   
swallow him whole, he would use it right now for the pain he was   
feeling in his chest was becoming unbearable. "Yes," he admitted   
lowering his head, afraid Kurata-san might see the tears he felt   
would soon appear. "She's a classmate of his."  
  
"I wonder what she sees in that kid?" the pro added jokingly.   
"All I ever thought he breathed was go."  
  
"Yeah…" The pain in Akira's chest was getting stronger. "I   
wonder too." His hands closed into fists. 'Why was it becoming   
more difficult to breathe? Why did he feel as if the room was   
closing in?'  
  
Kurata's eyes watched as Touya's face changed shades. "Are   
you ok?"  
  
His stomach... "No," Akira whispered as he placed a hand to   
his throat and quickly ran from the living room, into the bathroom.   
'Why did he feel so sick?'  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
As he looked at his reflection in the mirror, Akira discovered  
the dark circles under his eyes caused by getting no rest that night.   
Tossing and turning –his sheets on his bed had moved loose and now you   
could plainly see the mattress peek through. He splashed some water   
on his face and toweled it try. He hated having nightmares...  
  
Walking towards his closet, he pulled out a short-sleeved   
striped shirt and a pair of slacks. 'Today was another day at the   
go center...' His eyes took on a far away look. 'Shindo would be   
there too.'  
  
While he got ready, his thoughts betrayed him. His mind was   
cruel to him... 'Why did he still think about a simple kiss?' His   
face grew sour. 'And how many kisses had that girl gotten before him   
–and still did?' He shook his head from side to side trying to shake   
away his own stupidity. 'She was his girlfriend after all... didn't   
see have every right?'  
  
'All he had to do was get through today,' was what he kept   
chanting to himself as he entered the go center. Thursday was the   
last day in the week the pro's played. That would give him what,   
five days to avoid his rival?  
  
He clenched his jaw. '*His* rival...' It had all been a   
lie right? He had never been his to begin with.  
  
"Touya..."  
  
Momentary panic set in his blue eyes before he masked the   
expression. Lifting his head proudly, he jutted forward his chin   
and ignored the boy who had robbed him from sleep so many nights.   
Regardless of what he felt, the truth still remained: Shindo was   
taken and had led him on. 'From now on the boy was invisible. He   
couldn't touch him... He couldn't see him...' But Touya knew that   
the illusion was fragile and that the slightest smell could destroy   
it. Holding his breath so as not to take in his scent, Akira moved   
past Hikaru and into the tatami room. 'All he had to do was get   
through today...'  
  
  
  
To be continued...  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
Author's Notes:  
  
A great big 'Thank You' to all who wished me luck on my finals. In  
return I come bearing Holiday gifts. ^_^ I hope you like it. There   
is just one more part left for this short ride to be over, so think  
of reviews as fuels for my motivation. How soon do you REALLY want  
the end to come?  
  
att: Hikari 


	4. Who?

Title: Doushite?  
Author: Hikari  
Email: machi_no_tenshi@excite.com  
Rated: PG-13  
Part: Part 4  
  
  
  
  
Disclamer and Traditional Warnings...  
This fanfiction takes place right after the end of Hikaru no Go:   
Volume 15. Due to the rating you can expect Mild Shounen-Ai,  
and my paring of choice is Hikaru x Akira. This story is my own  
and will hope that no one posts it else where without my permission.  
Also, just in case you're wondering, 'doushite' means 'why.'  
  
  
  
  
DOUSHITE?  
Part 4: WHO?  
  
Shindo's eyes strayed past his opponent to the boy sitting   
behind him. The thin rigid frame was always so proper when engaged   
in battle... Hikaru could look at him all day. Shaking his head, he   
returned his thoughts to the game at hand and placed his move. He   
had to finish before Touya did. He had to ask him what was wrong.  
  
He thought they had progressed. He thought that they would   
be closer now... somehow. After all, now they could play as many times   
as they wished. But then, why was Touya giving him the cold shoulder   
again. His body tensed as a shiver crept up his spine. 'Those eyes...'   
he thought remembering the encounter. 'Had looked right through me.'  
  
"I... resign."  
  
Hikaru blinked and stared at the bent head of his opponent.   
"Thank you." He said as he bowed in respect and began to place back   
his stones. His eyes glanced covertly from beneath his lashes past   
his adversary, and widened when he realized that Touya had finished   
his match already!  
  
Quickly, he went to the board, wrote down his victory and ran   
out the door in search of Touya. He looked to the right... to the   
left... but he was no where to be seen. "Damn it!" he cursed softly   
as he ran down the hall.  
  
Up ahead, close to the elevator, his eyes fell on his prey.   
"Touya!" he called out, only to notice the boy steel himself so as not   
to turn around. Inside, his blood began to boil. 'What the hell...?!'   
he thought as he finally reached him. Grabbing him by his arm, he   
yanked on it –forcing Touya to look at him and asked, "What's wrong   
with you?"  
  
Akira's eyes went quickly from the place where Shindo's hand   
held him, to the boy's lips and quickly up to his eyes. The expression   
on his own face was cold as he glared with disdain. "LET GO!" he yelled   
as he pried his arm away.  
  
His cheeks flamed as Hikaru felt everyone's eyes turn on them.   
The elevator rang, and without thinking, he cupped his hand over Touya's   
mouth and dragged him into the lift while smiling sheepishly at the   
onlookers. As the doors closed, Touya broke free and seeked shelter   
close to the buttons. The elevator was heading down and he –he had to   
wait in order to talk with him: there were people in the lift with them.  
  
However, as Hikaru balled his hands into fists his determination   
grew strong. He had at least one clue now to his favor. Touya was mad.  
Yes, that was obvious. But the catch there was that he was mad at him.   
Now all he'd have to do is find out what he'd done and... 'Ground floor   
and Touya was already trying to run away,' he thought as he caught the   
boy squeeze past the metal doors to be the first one out.  
  
Akira quickened his pace, fully aware that his little advantage   
hadn't bought him much time. He had to leave... he had to escape...   
'Damn Shindo!' he thought to himself. 'Those warm hands... Those angry   
eyes...' It was he who should be angry! 'To have been played the fool   
and now strung up so tight...'  
  
He heard footsteps behind him, and soon afterwards felt Hikaru's   
strong hand take him by the arm and lead him forcefully into the lounge.  
His touch made him sick... It was like looking at candy through a shop   
window when you had no money, and your palette was craving for a taste.   
He looked up into his rival's face but turned away almost immediately.   
"Let go..." he said through gritted teeth. He had to remember, he   
couldn't forget...  
  
Hikaru studied Touya's expression and complied with his request   
by letting his hand release its grip and allowing his fingers to caress   
their way down before his arm fell to his side. "Now do you want to   
tell me what's wrong?" he ventured on.  
  
Akira made a move to leave but Shindo blocked his way. "Tell   
me!" he yelled at him, only to have the green haired boy make another   
evasive maneuver. Yet, his eyes were sharp and knew that this   
confrontation was not going to be an easy one. Hikaru wrapped his arms   
around the boy's body from behind and held him fast. "Tell me why   
you're angry with me!"  
  
Touya turned around as the angry tears he had been trying to   
contain broke free. "Let go of me YOU LIAR!"  
  
"Liar?" Hikaru repeated numbly as he thought really hard as   
to what he meant –and with the slight slip of his grip Akira almost   
got away. "Wait, what did I lie about?"  
  
His body stopped struggling as it dawned on him the truth of   
Hikaru's words. Never had he said or asked him if he was going out   
with someone. Never had they really had a conversation about how each   
other felt besides rivalry. Never had Hikaru promised him anything   
besides a challenging game. "Never mind," he whispered, not trusting   
his voice, and quickly disentangled himself and sprinted away.  
  
But he should have expected Hikaru to be right behind him. He   
should have known that he would not let the issue go so easily. And   
yet, he could not help but be amazed at the strength which hauled him   
back into the room and slammed his back against the cool wall. "Sorry,"   
he heard the boy say softly as he repositioned his arms to either side   
of his body –holding him prisoner. "But I'm not letting you go that   
easily." His face was coming closer... he could feel his warm breath   
as he said, "Not now that I've caught you."  
  
Hikaru smiled sadly upon seeing Touya's face contort in misery   
at his words. He didn't understand what was wrong... what he had done   
to hurt him. And so, he let his feelings take over by allowing his   
hand to trace the curve of Akira's cheek. "Why are you upset with me?"   
He slowly lowered his head. 'They had gotten past this point,' he   
thought, 'So it would be ok it they kissed, right?' He leaned his face   
in, his eyelids lowering ever so slowly –but Touya moved away.  
  
"Don't," he said as he turned his head to the side.  
  
"But..." he looked perplexed. He couldn't understand. "But   
why not?" If he had done something wrong, Touya should just let him   
know. That way he could apologize for it and things would be ok. Why   
couldn't he just tell him?!  
  
His voice was dead as he said, "Won't your girlfriend be upset   
if the word gets out?"  
  
"GIRLFRIEND?!" Hikaru's eyes grew wide as he backed away   
from Touya –his face red. "What are you talking about? Who has a   
girlfriend?"  
  
"Don't lie!" he snapped, unknowingly pouting his lips. "I know   
about Akari."  
  
Shindo blinked. "Akari?"  
  
"YES!" he said exasperated, but when he caught a look at   
Hikaru's face his conviction began to crumble. 'Had he... had he   
gotten the story wrong?' And then, to his own mortification, the boy   
who led him around with blinders on began to giggle.  
  
"Akari and me?" Touya heard him repeat in an even more   
incredulous manner as he threw his head back laughing. It was slowly   
dawning on him that his behavior mirrored that of a jealous wife. A   
pink blush began to stain his features as he raised his hand to cover   
his mouth.  
  
Hikaru's smile was bright. "You though Akari and me were   
together?" He had finally gotten control over his mirth. "What ever   
gave you *that* messed up idea?"  
  
"But," his face was red with embarrassment. "But I thought   
that since you two were so close..." he grew silent. "And then with   
your date yesterday..." he paused once more. "And Kurata-san said..."   
he trailed off.  
  
"So it was he who gave you that idea!" Hikaru said as he finally   
put the puzzle together. "I'll get him back for this," his conviction   
clear. "I'll beat him the next time we play!" Warm green eyes glanced   
back at Touya, a smile on his lips. "Is that why you were upset?"  
  
The boy nodded sheepishly.  
  
"Baka..." he said as he neared him once more. Akira was smiling   
up at him with relief in his eyes. But as he looked deeper into their   
blue depths, Hikaru lost his nerve. He had seen that self assured   
expression in them before. Scratching the back of his head, he said,   
"Maybe I should start heading back..."  
  
Touya grinned and as Hikaru made a move to leave, it was him   
this time that grabbed a hold and reversed their positions. "Sorry,"   
he said, though his face didn't show the least bit of remorse. "But   
you're not going anywhere yet."  
  
Shindo could see the intensity in his rival's eyes. It was in   
times like these that it was hard for him to try and be the suave one...   
He knew he could never be a match when Akira wished to demonstrate his   
strength.  
  
He could feel his body shiver with anticipation and his lower   
lip tremble before Touya captured it with his own. Hikaru felt the   
boy's gentle touch on him as his hands traced his ribcage from outside   
his shirt. He was loosing his thoughts as he gave himself to the   
sensation of that feeling. 'Touya's warmth... Touya's strength...'   
Before he knew it, he had braced his knees against one another to keep   
standing, while his back arched to support his weight against the wall.   
And Touya's strong hand secured him in his position as it rested on the   
small of his back.  
  
Akira stepped back and held Hikaru's eyes. There was a   
mischievous grin on his lips as his eyes took in the state in which   
his kiss had left his rival. "Are you ok with this?" he asked, for   
this time there would be no misunderstandings... no barriers...  
  
The question was vague, but Hikaru knew what he was talking   
about. "Yes," He said, completely certain about his feelings and to   
prove it, he grabbed a hold of Touya's shirt and pulled him down.   
Licking his lips, he proceeded to leave small butterfly kisses along   
his jaw-line and finally on his mouth.  
  
The green haired boy's arms wound themselves more possessively   
around Shindo's waist. And as Touya slipped his tongue once again   
within Hikaru's lips, and felt it slide across the boy's he knew that   
his feelings were reciprocated. While their bodies quivered with   
anticipation, they both knew that everything would be ok. They had   
finally met someone worthy to chase after, and they had finally caught   
up to one another.  
  
Hikaru would continue to play in order to be worthy of being   
Touya's rival and also because he still had a goal to achieve: The   
Hand of God. And if Sai didn't come back... then it would still be   
alright because he had realized something bigger, something far beyond   
his age: The spirit was eternal, and so they would eventually meet   
again in the afterlife where they would be able to play go for all   
eternity.  
  
  
~THE END~  
  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^  
Author's Notes:  
  
So, that's it. That's all there is. I want to give thanks to those  
of you that were nice enough to review my story. It was because of  
you that I kept posting it. Really people... you should let the  
author know how you feel if you read it. That way we know if it  
sucks or not.  
  
Anyway... I'm not planning on writing a sequel to this, but I may  
be talked into it if I get enough requests. I do, however, plan  
on writing another HNG fic... so if you liked my story keep an eye  
out for it. Thanks to everyone and a very special 'thank you' to  
my dear dear friend Misty Spotts. She's the pervert that made me  
admit my obsession with this pre-pubesent boy. And... you could  
say that this story was kind of for her.  
  
Till next time, Minna!  
  
att: Hikari 


End file.
